i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Randomize
