it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
