would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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