Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
