You're so nebulous sometimes
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
What a dumb baby whore.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
