I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
