Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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