My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
only if we run a train.
done.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
It's official drugs can't kill me
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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