First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
