Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
