I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
