i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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