We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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