Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
This baby is an asshole
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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