When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Randomize
