how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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