Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
