We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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