wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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