I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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