I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
