apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
