we should wear snuggies to the strip club
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize