Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
birth control should be required to get into college
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
