apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize