I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
