he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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