if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
