All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
