i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
