To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I faked an abortion last night.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
