I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Randomize
