I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
