Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
