I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
