I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
