literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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