i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
