some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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