I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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