btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
