I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
The beer is more important than you right now.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
