she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
2020 sucks, I want a refund
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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