A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
