Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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