Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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