k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
