i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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