It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize