that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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