Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just threw up on my dentist
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
