so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
