just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
