Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
