You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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