They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
