doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
How's work?
Spinning.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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