so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
