He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize