wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
