i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I look better un-naked...
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
