this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
