Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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