and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You've changed since you got that strap on
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
