Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
