I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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