Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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