we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Randomize
