I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize