Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
