How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize