my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
