Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
