Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
two words: eviction party
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
