i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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