do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
