3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
