did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize