exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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