I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
