that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
