lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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