if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize