New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
