I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize