The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
