to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
