i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
