if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
