last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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