Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
