somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You've changed since you got that strap on
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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