8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize