is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
