i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
