So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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