so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
