Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
